Brag Book

I'm going to take a break from our series on failure to brag on some major successes. I'm kinda feeling like a Debbie downer on the blogosphere with all this talk of how to fail, and although I love the Debbie downer skit, I don't want anyone to associate me with feline AIDS.

My little guys finished up their school year today. Asher had an amazing year in first grade and Simon finished kindergarten strongly. I couldn't be prouder of either of them. Or both of them. Or all of them, Adeline included. She had great year in preschool as well. Don't want to leave her out. All that coloring and painting is hard work!

Both the boys have come so far since August.

Heck, in August, Simon wasn't even in kindergarten!

Confession: I wanted to wait until I thought he was "ready." I looked at him, so small and vulnerable in my eyes, and I didn't want him to struggle, or to fail, or to be overly challenged before he was ready, because life in general was so challenging for him in my eyes. I wanted to protect, protect, protect.

But you know what I learned throughout the year? What Simon taught me?

He may not have been "kindergarten ready" in the classic sense, but he was more ready than I gave him credit for.

He would never have gotten over all his shyness, or learned how good he was at math, or art, or rhyming if I had waited until we could check all the boxes off on those dumb kinder readiness tests.

And he would have never learned that he is not that small and vulnerable child that I was treating him like, but a strong and capable little boy. That was the big take home.

School was a big change for Simon.

Although he was technically enrolled in a school in Uganda, he was one of about 40 students in his class that met in a very small room. His school only had paper and pencils. They had no books or teaching materials, no desks, nothing to actually assist his teacher in teaching her students. Consequently, Simon had a very negative idea of what school was.

Simon's school in Uganda:

But, in reality, that is what many of the schools are like that the world's poorest children attend. Crowded, under-resourced, and under-funded. Can you imagine trying to learn about animals without actually having pictures of animals to look at in books? Or trying to learn to read without books? Or trying to learn about much of anything without books?

There is an amazing organization called Libraries of Love whose mission is to create libraries in schools in Uganda. It was started by my friend Melissa's aunt, right here in Austin. (Melissa is a fellow Ugandan adoptive mama).  Books. Libraries. They sound like such a small thing, but they can really make a difference. Next time you are taking a haul to Goodwill or Half-Priced Books, consider donating them to Libraries of Love instead.

I am so grateful for the teachers that have poured their hearts and energy into my kids over the past year. I am grateful for all the advantages that my kids enjoy and all the resources at their fingertips. And most of all, I am proud of how they have all persevered throughout the year. I can't believe I will have a SECOND grader and a FIRST grader next year!!! Good thing we have Adeline to pull up the rear :)

(pics of Simon,  Asher, and Adeline with their teachers this year. I think I might have the cutest kids ever).

Why Orphan Care Fails: Pt 3

"For the love of Christ controls us, having concluded this, that one died for all, therefore all died; and He died for all, so that they who live might  no longer live for themselves , but for Him who died and rose again on their behalf." 2Cor5:14-15nasb

" 'Whether it is right in the sight of God to give heed to you rather than to God , you be the judge; for we cannot stop speaking about what we have seen and heard.' " Acts 4:20 nasb

Peter has always been my favorite bible dude. Gotta love that guy's unbridled passion. I always picture him drawing his sword brashly or standing up to those stuffy Sadducees with his unmatched and spirit-filled sermons. Nothing - not men in authority, threats, jail, pain - nothing could make Peter stop speaking about the truth of the gospel.

And Paul knew the key to Peter's passionate pursuit of the ministry of the gospel.

It was the controlling, compelling love of Christ.

Nothing, nothing, nothing else will ever produce a healthy, lasting ministry than lay people and volunteers that have hearts motivated by this controlling, compelling love.

However, people can not have this motivation if they are not intimately acquainted with the cross.

If you don't know what you lost and gained, then you can not find this love.

If you don't come to terms with how much sin has cost you, and how much Christ on the cross has gained for you, then the overpowering grace of God can not move you to action.

Guilt might move you to serve. Wanting to serve, wanting to please, wanting to look good, those all might motivate you. But they won't sustain you through the seventh inning stretch.

3. Orphan care ministries fail when churches are filled with people unacquainted with the compelling love of Christ and attempt to accomplish ministry with anything but people motivated by grace.

Tomorrow will be the concluding installment of this series in which I will discuss the journey of Israel in the OT.

Why Orphan Care Ministries Fail: Pt. 2

"We are half-hearted creatures, fooling about with drink and sex and ambition when infinite joy is offered us, like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea. We are far too easily pleased.” 
― C.S. Lewis, The Weight of Glory, and Other Addresses

C.S Lewis puts it perfectly. We are far too easily pleased. We are far too easily comforted, satisfied, and filled. As Christians, we pray, worship, and fellowship sometimes even in passing. Sometimes too quickly. Or sometimes not at all. Our spiritual discipline is too easily passed over and set aside in favor of the easy way, the lazy way and that old flesh nature, those orphan tendencies come out far too quickly. I am the first to know.

My orphan tendencies of control and anxiety and judgement. I feel them creep up and seep through and I have to go back to the Lord again. Maybe yours of anger, or yours of addiction or lust. Whatever it is, they afflict us all. Left over from before our adoption.  Are you in a place where you feel the need to sweep them away, to pretend they're not really there, that everything is really fine...

I know that feeling.

I've had periods in my life when I've been nothing but fine. Just fine. Great really. I mean, look at me, don't I look fine? Great, really?

 Fine and great are hard things to be.

For a church to have a successful orphan care ministry it can not have a bunch of just fine people going to it.

Are you getting my drift?

If a church wants to create an environment that fosters an atmosphere for ministries such as orphan care (but really any ministry that focuses on healing to the whole person) then it must be brave enough and willing enough to face whatever comes out when people begin to discover their true spiritual conditions. Their true orphan tendencies.

Orphan care ministries can not operate successfully without authenticity.

One reason I treasure my adoption community is because we all know where we stand. There is no pretending. There are no perfect mom awards going around. We all know we have kids fighting through broken places, and we are right there in the thick of the fight with them. Sometimes that can look really ugly. Sometimes it can look really sad. It is amazing when it looks joyful. But we could not stand through it all with them if we hadn't already fought through our own battles. Recognized our own stuff. Been there already.

Thankfully, somehow, we all figured out that we weren't just fine.

So, from earlier, we have:

1. Orphan care ministries fail when churches have a quick fix mentality, or define success by numbers. Churches must be willing to do the hard, slow work of fundamental transformation in order to be ready to engage in the messiness of orphan care.

And now today we can add:

2. Orphan care ministries fail when churches foster an environment of inauthentic community based on the perception that everyone is fine masked as authentic community. When authentic community is able to take hold and people are able to dig into and share their orphan tendencies with one another without shame, a community of broken but healed people can together begin to do the work of gospel.

And tomorrow we will explore the difference between guilt and grace and how that affects the success or failure of a ministry.

Why Orphan Care Ministries Fail: Pt 1

This post has been rolling around in my head for a while now. As much "gumption" as some of you think I might have, I admit I have been hesitant to pull the trigger on this one. I want to make it very clear that this is not about any one ministry in particular, or indictment against any specific church. God has blessed me in  some observational and deep thinking skills, and has brought this at the forefront of my mind. I know He must really want it out there, because the more I delay writing and posting it, the more it weighs on me. I offer this up, hoping it will move the discourse in a positive direction.

Having just finished out an exhausting three years of orphan care ministry, largely with limited success within a large evangelical church, I feel like I have some perspective on this topic. As a ministry we tried big massive city-wide events. We tried small discussion forums. We tried short small group lessons. We tried partnerships. We tried photo galleries. We tried prayer days. We tried, well, just about everything. Meanwhile, I saw other churches in Austin with growing, flourishing ministries. What was the difference?

Why do orphan care ministries within churches fail so often? Why do some flourish and others flounder? Is it the leadership, the dollars, the creativity of the team, what? Why do the ones that make less impact fail to capture the hearts and minds of congregants when, clearly, caring for orphans and the oppressed is so central to the heart and mind of God?

If our adoption, arguably the most radical adoption initiative ever, was the purpose of our redemption, made possible through the death and resurrection of Jesus, then God is the ultimate orphan care leader. We know He is the ultimate father, for through our adoption, through our son ship, we not only call him Abba, but we also stand as coheirs next to Jesus, our older brother.

And just in case we miss all that theology, He made sure to record all His feelings towards orphans, the fatherless, the oppressed, the refugee, the widow, and the migrant down for us in the bible so that we could all be really clear.

So we all KNOW. We do. We know we are supposed to care. That's not the issue.

The challenge is, that participating in orphan care ministries is hard.

It takes time.

It sucks away your physical energy.

It sucks away your emotional energy.

It can suck away your money.

It's lonely.

If you engage in it, you will miss out on other social events (see the other above points on reasons why).

Orphan care is not about coming to event on a Saturday and volunteering for a couple of hours. Orphan care is not about making baggies of hygiene items to send overseas. Orphan care is not about sending shoes to kids in South America that need them.

Orphan care is not about you.

Orphan care is not about making you feel like you have served, have made a difference, or accomplished something.

Orphan care is not something you can do on a weekend.

Orphan care is not about the church being a buffer between the congregation and the orphan. A drop-point, if you will, for old clothes and bags.

Orphan care is about so much more.

Orphan care requires fundamentally changing who we are as people, what our hearts are after, so that we can invest in relationship building with children who desperately need relationships.

Shoes, while helpful to protect a child's feet, won't heal the heart of a boy abandoned by his mother and father. That boy needs relationship. With his heavenly Father, but with an earthly one as well.

Clothes, while they keep the children warm, don't keep the nightmares at bay for the kids in foster care that desperately want forever families.

1. Orphan care ministries fail when churches have a quick fix mentality, or define success by numbers. Churches must be willing to do the hard slow work of fundamental transformation in order to be ready to engage in the messiness of orphan care.

Because orphan care is nothing if not messy, slow, and transformative.

But its good. So, so, good.

Hot, Long, Lazy Days of Summer

Long summer days beg for good books. Whether you are travelling and need a book for your plane or road trip, or you are one of those lucky people who actually get to sit by a pool or on a beach and concentrate on reading, books and summer go together. 

I just downloaded  a slew of new books with lofty plans on reading them all before the summer is through. 

First up? I just cracked open Unladylike: Resisting the Injustice of Inequality in the Church by Pam Hogeweide. I can't wait to share my thoughts on it with you. So far, I am loving her stance. 

. 

Also on my summer reading list are:

Unbroken by Laura Hillenbrand

On the Island by Tracey Garvis-Graves

We Need to Talk About Kevin by Lionel Shriver

Soooooo, what will YOU be reading this summer? Anything on your reading wishlist? Please share!!

 

Is it for a Good Cause?

Hi Rachel,
When you choose to buy "justly" do you always order from Christian organizations or any organization as long as they have a good cause? Just curious. My mind has been thinking on those things since talking about stewardship at church in the Fall.
-Emily

What a great question! And thanks to my friend Emily for bringing it up. 

I think there are a couple of facets to this question, so let me get started breaking it down. 

1. What determinates a Christian organization?  

         a. Is it stated in their core beliefs or purpose statement that the organization is Christian?

         b. Is it that it is run by Christians? But if this, then how can you know unless personally affiliated with the organization?

         c. Must this organization be a gospel-sharing organization?

         d. Is it an organization that cares for the things Christ cares about, but might not outright say it?

If the consensus answer is D, then I buy a lot more from Christian organizations than if the answer is A. The truth is, most businesses don't outright say, "Hey! We are Christians over here!!" I mean, that would be kinda weird. But it can be pretty obvious by looking at their name, purpose statement and where they are working. Most people not affiliated with Christ wouldn't go into Indian brothels and employ ex-slave prostitutes as seamstresses in order to give them a new life and a new hope. (thanks Punjammies and International Princess Project!)

And I won't buy something just because the organization is Christian either. For me it is a definite mix of my need at the moment and which organization has the best business and community development model. Some of the best models may or may not be Christian organizations. Take one of my favorite shoe companies, Chooze shoes. Both Adeline and I love these shoes for her. They are cute, whimsical, playground and everyday wearable, and best of all she can get them on all by herself. Their anti-poverty program is FAR superior to any other shoe options, which are all basically handout programs. Now, I have absolutely NO IDEA if Chooze is run by a bunch of nature-worshiping pagans or a bunch or God-fearing Christians. I do know that I am helping lift women out of poverty. And I feel better about that than buying another pair of TOMS which perpetuates the cycle of dependency on the West. 

2. What is a "good cause"?  

Wow. This one is even trickier. What is good? A strict theological interpretation of good would take us to something along the lines of "whatever brings God the most glory".

What about a definition of cause?  Living in Austin I know all too well that pretty much anything can be a "cause." Is reforestation a cause? Sure. What about people? Are they really causes? I don't like to relate to my fellow brothers and sisters like that. Lets call people community. 

So, we have community building organizations and cause organizations. Now for combining the "good" with the "cause."

Can a non-Christian organization working on creating fair working conditions for laborers in the garment industry in China bring God glory?

What about a an organization run by Christians although not outright Christian, working on fair trade products and subsequent poverty relief, but not engaged in any sort of gospel sharing mission? 

What about a Christian stated organization focusing its efforts on something completely off the wall? Rescuing Atalantic Sea Slugs or something? (I do believe that environmental efforts are good cause worthy, by the way, just trying to think of something zaney). Is that organization bringing glory to God? They are not focusing on the least of these (well, now, maybe the Atlantic Sea Slug really is the least of the least...), but they are doing it in God's name. 

Is the cause of Christ the only one you consider good? 

Shopping justly is a mixed bag of a whole lot of different ethos swirled together. I have found, though, that the majority, have the heart of Christ at the center. It is, however, your money. Spend it how you will. 

So there you go Emily, everything you ever wanted in an answer. Short, succinct and to the point. 

New Life, Africa style

When I was a sophomore in high school I went to a Third Day concert with my friends from youth group. Our youth leader drove us there and we totally rocked it out. Yes. That is what happened. At some point during the concert Third Day guy stopped singing and started talking about sponsoring a kid through Compassion International. He really sold it. So much so that a couple of my friends and I went in together and sponsored a kid. That was my first ever experience with sponsorship.

I don't quite think my friends and I were Third Day guy's target demographic that night. Or Compassion's for that matter. We never wrote our kid, or sent care packages, and I'm pretty sure we missed sending in our check some months. We were high school kids after all. But that early exposure to sponsoring a child has stuck with me.

And now I have the joy of getting to sponsor a child through the BEST organization out there. Hands down. Africa New Life, while not the biggest or the best known (but we're going to fix that!), is growing and giving the children of Rwanda a new future. They are doing it through national leadership, education, the gospel, health care, community development, food, and you and me.

When you sponsor a child you completely change the trajectory of that child's life forever. When you sponsor a child through Africa New Life, you give her access to the BEST school in Rwanda, you give her government medical coverage, regular meals every day, spiritual mentorship, and best of all, she gets to stay in her home country, with her family, so when she grows up she can become one of its educated future leaders.

Sponsorship is an amazing way to carry out God's heart for caring for the fatherless. Many of the children in the sponsorship program live in extended family or single parent households. For most, sponsorship is their only hope for education. I love that the little boy we sponsor wants to be the president of Rwanda when he grows up. I LOVE that he dreams big!

I am dreaming big right along with him. Dreaming big dreams for Rwanda, a country I love so much. Dreaming big dreams for Africa New Life, an organization that has already done so much in that country and that will surely do so much more.

This video shows you more than I could ever tell you how much sponsorship means to a child. It captures the moment that Grace was told she was getting a sponsor. I dare you not to cry...

It's Not a Wave, It's an Ocean

Today I trudged down to my old stomping grounds and had a MEETING. It was a MEETING because I had to put on my serious face and talk about serious topics. Pastors (plural! with an s!) were there, and we all got the chance to sit around and talk about orphan care. Which kinda happens to be one of my fave topics, so at least there was that.

It's funny. One of the guys there said something that really struck me. At the time I was suffering from profuse sweating, hyper active heart beating, shallow breathing, stomach churning, light headed-ness, and overall nervous discomfort mixed with high anxiety,  so when he said it I knew I wanted to say something in response, but my thoughts were disjointed and well, the meeting really wasn't about me.

But I haven't been able to get his statement out of my head, and the more I think about it, the more I think it says something about how a lot of churches view orphan care ministries and perhaps why resources  - financial, as well as human - are slow to be deployed to adoption and orphan care centered ministries.

They see it as a wave. Or as an extra. A bonus ministry, if you will. Something that is happening right now, but in a couple of years will be over.

We were talking about "waves" and wanting to go where God is working. They were applying this concept to missions and other areas of ministry - as in, we would want to go where the Spirit of God is already at work. That seems pretty typical of what we all would seek out as believers. If the Spirit is moving - go there!

But when applying it to orphan care, the wave thing, it doesn't, um, hold water? There is an orphan care movement happening, yes. God's people are responding to His word. God's people are acting out His heart, reflecting His character. But God's heart, God's character, these never change. These are not waves to be caught. These always stay the same and have always been clear. Defend the cause of the fatherless. Protect the least of these. Care for the orphan.

Orphan care is a non-negotiable. Not an add-on, also-ran. Though it has been relegated to the side aisle and the back door, it is not a fad. It is not a wave to ride out that will then end and everyone can say, "phew, glad that caring for orphans thing is over now."

It is not a trending topic on twitter.

Orphan care is the very heart of God.

Over and over and over again God identifies himself with the orphan. The very least of these. The vulnerable. The unprotected, discarded, and forgotten.

Orphan care is the heart of God, and for that we can all be thankful. For if God did not care for orphans, then where would we all be? Without an Abba? Orphan care is not something that some hipsters came up with to have a worthy cause to promote, it is something that God came up with, and He came up with it before creation (Romans 8:29).

And it will always be a battle, and it will never be easy. It is one of the toughest spiritual battles because it is one of the most important matters of God. Winning back life, winning back children, winning back babies. Reuniting across racial lines. Love trumping flesh heritage and DNA. It's everything the enemy hates and that the Church should be about. But its hard. And sometimes the wave is really small. And sometimes, like right now, the wave swells and it gets a little more surfable. But its always there.

Adoption. Orphan Care. God's Plan A.

Strategies grow and change, but the heart, it stays the same.

Zu Cute

I joined Zulily maybe a year and a half ago after constantly hearing my friends brag about the good deals they were getting on there.

Example Conversation:

 "Gosh, Erin, that dress Kate is wearing is super cute - where did you find it?"

 "Oh, I got it for like negative $5.00 on Zulily."

 Huh.

 After enough conversations like that took place, I finally joined the site, which runs "daily deals for moms, babies, and kids." Part of what took me so long is that I am not one of those moms that buys the matchy-matchy outfit sets and the super fru-fru dresses (not that Adeline wouldn't wear frilly skirts and dresses constantly...). I am just way too practical. My kids go to school - where they get messy. Then they play outside - a lot - where they get even messier. They also play with each other and with friends, and most of the time they end up in some sort of ridiculous costume, or, um, getting into a mess. Then once a week on Saturday I give them a REALLY good scrub down, as in not in the backyard hose or in a swimming pool, and attempt to dress them in clothes fit, are clean, have no holes, AND are appropriate for church. This sometimes happens. Sometimes it doesn't and Adeline shows up in a princess t-shirt, plastic dress-up heels and some sort of velour leggings that have pockets that she swears are fancy. (Thanks MOM!) And then sometimes, rarely, miraculously, the boys show up in pants that go all the way down to their feet, do not have holes in the knees, and in shirts that smell good. On those days I look like super mom. To prove that it can actually happen, here's a picture of me with all the kids on Mother's Day.

But as I am writing this, I am watching Darth Obi (that is a make believe character that Simon created by merging Obi Wan Kenobi and Darth Maul) wrestle Adeline on the trampoline. In full costume of course. That's how we usually roll.

But once I joined Zulily, I was pleasantly surprised. More than I can count on my two hands, they have featured fairly traded clothes. And almost daily there are organic options to chose from. And guess what? BONUS! They are cute!! As in, super duper cute - dare I say, Zu-cute??

 Just this past week they featured one of my FAVORITE designer companies, Kate Quinn organics. Kate Quinn organics is also the umbrella company for the smaller lines Plum Bunny and Violet + Moss. Another organic and fair trade kid's line featured this week was Mad Sky, whose creator was determined to create a clothing line produced in the USA in sweat-shop free conditions. And, she did it! And, its cute!

 So the bottom line here is that the bottom line of your pocket book is compatible with ethical shopping. You just have to be creative in how you shop. Stewardship intersecting justice? Yes, please.

You Can't Spell Women Without Me

I attended my first ever women's conference over the weekend. It was actually a conference I got to be a part of planning. I am a woman. I enjoy being around my women friends. So why does women's ministry scare the skin off me???

Well,if there is one thing I CAN NOT stand, it is letting fear get the best of me. So, back in January when I brought up that perhaps incorporating a service project into the conference would be a good idea and the response was, "yes...and thank you for volunteering to head that up as the service coordinator," I was simultaneously terrified and excited. Terrified that I would working in a realm - women's ministry!eek!- that I had no experience in; but excited for the challenge.

Women's ministry has become a paradox for me. On the one hand I strongly dislike a lot of the material, curriculum, and teaching that is out there. I often find myself disagreeing with the entire idea of the need for genderized study material. Not the need for separate spaces for men and women to gather within the body to share fellowship, but the need for actual bible study curriculum to be tailored for women or for men. It is, after all, the same bible, the same word of God we are all studying. The knowledge seeking, theology-driven part of me huffs and puffs and stomps around and makes a big scene about it all. She acts VERY childish and unforgiving especially about the Bibles printed for women. VERY. Publishers (patriarchal run companies) are now exploiting the gender gap that they themselves, along with a Christian patriarchal system, have created and are running all the way to the bank with it. And most of my sisters are helping them! Willingly! Whole-heartedly! Buying those study Bibles for women (because a regular old study Bible, well, it might not make them a good enough Christian lady). Flocking towards the study materials for women in lieu of the good old inductive studies. Why? I don't know. I really don't. Please tell me. I want to understand.

So while one part of me wants to throw my arms up in frustration at the whole system, the other part of me, the bigger part, the growing part, the more part, desperately aches to minister to these same women. To encourage them to be more. To want more. And yet at the same time to know that they are enough. To know that they are, independent of ANY other earthly relationship, important, valuable, gifted, able. To be whole in themselves once in Christ. To tell these women about all of our sisters living in oppression around the world, facing injustices around the world, suffering solely because of their womanhood. To tell them about all the mothers who die while giving birth simply because of the lack of medical supplies, and then about all the sweet babies, all the hungry children left behind orphaned. To tell them about all the women who are dying of AIDS, and about all the children they are leaving behind in abject poverty. To speak to them about the kids down the street who were taken away in the middle of the night; that those kids are only three of the two million kids in foster care who need families to love them forever. To tell these women that if we are truly ezers, truly man's greatest ally, than man is our greatest ally as well. A team. We are not here simply to serve men, but to serve God. And serving God sometimes means leading men.

So I can't walk away.

Because if I walk away, will the word gentle continue to be used to describe the ideal Christian woman? I spent YEARS of my early walk agonizing over the fact that I couldn't discipline my spirit enough, tame it down, to be gentle. To be quiet and meek. To be that pretty, good Christian girl who didn't form opinions (that's for my husband to do, after all) that all the boys would want to date and then marry, etc... I had never heard of another kind of way to be an acceptable Christian woman. It was only after EXCESSIVE failures that I gave the non-opinion thing up :) Then, years later, I started learning all about Eve and her calling as an ezer kenego; how this meant that God was calling her a mighty battle warrior, equipped in every way for front line duty, and I wept and cried through this affirmation. I have Eve in me after all! It was glorious news. And I want all those years back I wasted not living in the fullness of my calling. Trying to fit into a mold the church had prescribed for me, for us, that though might work for some, certainly doesn't work for all of us. My dream is that gentleness would fade and warrior would be our new ideal. Sure, we have prayer warriors. But I dream of mission warriors. And warrior moms. Warrior girls. Warrior pastors! Worship warriors. Warrior wives.

And while it was nice to be away from the kiddos and the hubs for a couple of hours over the weekend, the thing with a women's conference is that you are constantly reminded about your husband and children. In every talk. Wife. Mother. Daughter. I really really wanted to be constantly reminded about God this weekend. Defined in relation to Him. Saved. Child of God. Adopted.

So, you see, I can't walk away. There is a battle up ahead, and I am a warrior girl.

Real or Fake

I love the Hunger Games book series. There is so much packed into to those three teen novels - if you have not read them yet, I highly recommend you read them, especially before the movie comes out. To avoid spoilers, I'll speak in general terms.

In the third book they start playing this game called "real or fake" to deal with the excessive propaganda and brain-washing campaigns waged against them. Its a handy game. One character will say a memory, or a feeling, and the others will say "real" if it actually happened, or "fake" if it was an implanted or manipulated thought or event placed in his head by the Capital.

Sort of similar to the "real or fake" game, another character comes up with another coping mechanism to determine reality. She starts with the very basics. Her name. Then her place of birth. Then as she is sure of more information, she adds it to her list.

Sometimes life can be confusing. Not Capital-style brain-washing confusing, but we do live in a world full of media and noise and influences in every which direction. My best friend Erin even reminded me today on the phone that the enemy loves this, relishes this confusion. He even causes it in some cases, purposely pitting people against one another.

Today is my birthday - real.

I had a really bad day - real.

My kids made me feel like the most special person in the world today, and that made my day infinitely better - real.

I am a child of God, and He loves me, is for me, and nothing can separate me from His love - real.

On days like today, when affirmation and condemnation are all wrapped up together; when beautiful homemade cards filled with love and presents wrapped by small hands in paper towels are offered up after phone calls filled with tears, I choose to remember the real.

God has formed our family - real.

Even when I am alone, I am not alone - real.

I remember back when I was a freshman in college and I went to work at a Young Life camp up in New York for a summer. I happen to be there for "urban" month, which was kind of fun until a huge brawl broke out in the dining hall between the kids from inner city DC and inner city Philadelphia. That was actually terrifying. But the music was all gospel choir inspired, and the whole feel of the camp was very different than times I had spent at other YL camps. At the back of the small, campy, club building was taped a piece of construction paper that someone had written on in permanent marker. It simply said "Audience of 1" on it. I loved that. The speaker or whoever was doing a skit could look directly at that sign and remember that no matter who was actually physically in attendance that night, that the real audience is always just one person, and that is God.

I will try my best to live my life not for others approval, or disapproval, but for God and to fulfill the call He has given me - real.



"Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings, or of God? Or am I trying to please people? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ." Galatians 1:10

Lent

I grew up in the Catholic church where Lent was an annual time of fasting, meditation, reflection, and quietness before Easter. It was a time when people often gave something up in order to more fully understand sacrifice, to bring us closer to Christ up on the cross.

This year I wanted to spend the Lenten season in an extended time of meditation and prayer, a season to be broken for the things in my life that break God's heart. I spend most of my time outward focused, either on my family or on ministry, and I wanted Lent to be about just me and God. Sin, weakness, direction, beauty, I wanted God to show me all of it.

The thing about those kinds of prayers, though, the really deep refining ones, is that those are the ones God is 100% of the time going to answer. I swear. He never doesn't show up for those.

I started with an old litany - the litany of humility. Guided prayers aren't usually my thing, but I find that they can be helpful to lead my heart where I want it to go when it is not fully ready to go there on its own. They also keep me focused and on track. I tend to wander.

Here it is:

"O Jesus! meek and humble of heart, Hear me.
From the desire of being esteemed, Deliver me, Jesus.
From the desire of being loved, Deliver me, Jesus.
From the desire of being extolled, Deliver me, Jesus.
From the desire of being honored, Deliver me, Jesus.
From the desire of being praised, Deliver me, Jesus.
From the desire of being preferred to others, Deliver me, Jesus.
From the desire of being consulted, Deliver me, Jesus.
From the desire of being approved, Deliver me, Jesus.
From the fear of being humiliated, Deliver me, Jesus.
From the fear of being despised, Deliver me, Jesus.
From the fear of suffering rebukes, Deliver me, Jesus.
From the fear of being calumniated, Deliver me, Jesus.
From the fear of being forgotten, Deliver me, Jesus.
From the fear of being ridiculed, Deliver me, Jesus.
From the fear of being wronged, Deliver me, Jesus.
From the fear of being suspected, Deliver me, Jesus.
That others may be loved more than I, Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.
That others may be esteemed more than I, Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.
That, in the opinion of the world, others may increase and I may decrease, Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.
That others may be chosen and I set aside, Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.
That others may be praised and I unnoticed, Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.
That others may be preferred to me in everything, Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.
That others may become holier than I, provided that I may become as holy as I should, Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it."

It is slow progress, and God is gracious to reveal my strongholds slowly to me.

Got anything going on for Lent this year? Want to share? Have you been following Gavin Rogers? He gave up his house for Lent. I kind want to go down to SA and talk to him :)

Community

I always knew that having friends, being in community as it is called, was a good thing. Of course it is. We all want friends, people that get us, that will have our backs, that will help us move for the fifth time (our friends get the moving us award for sure). I know that community is good because of God. God is a triune God, experiencing perfect community within Himself in His three person-hoods as Father, Spirit and Son. God created humankind to reflect that community and so gave us each other, that is, man and woman, and called it "very good" in the garden.

However, it is not until now, when I am on the verge on losing my community, when I have ever valued it so highly, nor ever treated it ever so casually, so recklessly. For reasons I can't even explain, I have been the opposite of everything I aspire to be to those in my community. Instead of humble, arrogant. Instead of kind, rough. Instead of a servant, a bully. Instead of encouraging, a cynic. I have been fighting against this place I have been in my life, and instead of leaving it with the Lord, I have brought it with me everywhere I have gone, and rubbed it off on a lot of innocent people. I hate that.

The truth is that I have been wrestling a lot with the church. Not the big "c" church, just my church. And I love my church, so this wrestling hurts. I have listened to enough sermons to know that you don't just leave a church. I have watched enough people leave in the last 12 years to know that every time some one leaves, I feel a bit betrayed. I have been solidly embedded in the "stay and change things from within" camp if you are not entirely happy for a long long time. But that's sort of the thing I have wrestling with, we have been wrestling with. How long do you stay and fight? I have never felt free to leave before. God has always told me stay. And I have always stayed. Patiently or not so patiently. I have continued to pray, to cry, to speak out, to run the ministry God has blessed me with, to serve, to be in community, to try to fit in some awkward way always feeling slightly out of place.

Until now. Now God has finally released us. And it feels so good. And it feels so bad. So scary. All I want to do tonight is hang out with the small group girls that have been a part of my life for the last eight years. If they would even have me. Because I have not been a very good friend to them lately. I have been caught up in my own drama of feelings and hurts. And I've been divisive and loud. Oh, and also generally not that great to be around. But I don't want to lose them. They are treasures to me, each one of them. I pictured our kids all growing up together, some of them marrying each other, being a part of each other's lives forever. And I still believe that will happen (at least I know Adeline is planning on marrying Joey so that she can be Kate's sister and Haddie's cousin).

I don't know what the next six months will have for us. I don't know where God will plant our little family. I am confident that he will lead us into community where ever we go. I don't know if it can ever compare to the community that we have had the past eight years with our group, or the past 12 years, the past 14 years at our church. But I do know that God is good and that He is faithful. That is enough for me.

Pictures Away

First off, what a fortuitous morning! I opened my daily zuilily only to find that two of their featured brands today were fair trade brands! And they were both new to me - Bambino Land and Green Kids. I needed a shower gift for a girlfriend who is having a little baby girl (shhh!), so I got to order a little something something from Bambino Land (no pictures until the shower because it is a surprise!).

Then, thanks to my Ethical Rag subsciption, I found out that ModCloth, a super cool site, has recently been buying from Mata Traders, a company that works with co-ops in India and Nepal. Very Cool! note: I can not speak as to whether all of ModCloth's clothes are ethically sourced. I have actually written to them to find out more because so little is available on the site, but have not heard back. It would be shocking to me if it was, however, just due to the sheer volume of goods they stock.

Well, on to what we've been wearing.

I spent the weekend in beautiful Sonoma county and sported my Noonday silver earrings all weekend. They no longer carry the particular ones I was wearing, but these are somewhat similar. Not sure if you can tell from this picture that Jonathan took of me while he was inside a Redwood tree, but there you have it.












I've also been wearing another pair of Noonday earrings (I heart my Noonday) this week. When I wore these earrings to pick up the boys from school, the fifth grade crossing guard told me (I swear), "I like your earrings." I mean, it doesn't get any better than that.













Adeline's been rockin' her new pink Chooze shoes. She loves that she didn't have to go to Africa to get them, and I love that they are so cute.



So that's what we've been wearing - how about you? Post pictures or comments and let us know!

What We Wore Wednesday

NEW FEATURE!!!

Have you see this girl's blog? It's cute, right? So I had this brilliant idea to take her idea of photographing outfits and use it to show that wearing fair trade clothes could be cute! Since I have this thing about fashion, and I have this daughter that has this thing about crazy outfits, I think we can come up with some pretty decent photos. I completely reject the notion that fair trade has to be hippie and boring, all oatmealy and gray. BUT THAT'S NOT ALL! I want to hear/see from you too! So post in the comments section each Wednesday anything you or your kiddos wore or ate/drank that was fair or direct trade over the past week. Let's help each other find cool products and places to purchase ethically. Whether its just a pair of earrings or a whole outfit, I want to know what you've got going on.

Starting TOMORROW!!

Hero

I didn't start to become that interested in Martin Luther King Jr. or his ministry until maybe two years ago. In school we learned about him only superficially, going only as deep as the high points of his "I Have a Dream" speech, lumping him in with other African American leaders during a week in February (black history month). I found nothing particularly fascinating or overly interesting about him. If what I was taught in school was true, he was an effective civil rights leader during a turbulent time. I really couldn't have told you much more about him.

Then I read a book on inspirational Christian leaders that contained a short (maybe 35 page) biography of Dr. King, his faith, beliefs, non-violent practices, and his passion for all things just, from civil rights to compassion for those in poverty and I got really interested in this revolutionary man. There was so so much more to him than the cursory knowledge I had picked up in school. Dr. King truly was a man who lived out the gospel in its truest form.

It is because of Dr. King that I am able to have the family I have today. And that my sons are brothers, just as he dreamed fifty years ago. And that any of my children can and will marry whoever they choose, not based on race, but based solely on character and love.

In Biblical times, heroes as big as giants seem to emerge page after page - Abraham, Moses, Daniel, David. Men who led their people out of oppression, who wrestled angels, or survived lions, men who led vast armies to victories, or who slayed giant men with a flick of the wrist. Men like that don't seem to come around much anymore. But Dr. King was one of them. He led his people out oppression. He defied his enemies with no more than a speech. He heard God and obeyed. A hero of true biblical proportions, that enacted true justice on earth.

Women should Exercise

But not the kind of exercise that makes you all sweaty and gross and is hard. I mean, if you're in to that kind of thing, go for it. What I'm after is getting women to exercise their right to vote, and I don't care a lick who its for.

Let me take you on a short walk (pretty and painless I promise)through the history of the women's suffrage movement in the good ole U.S. of A.

1848 - the first time some women and men got to together in any official fashion to talk about voting rights. key words: Seneca Falls, NY. key people: Elizabeth Cady Stanton, Lucretia Mott key ideas: women and men should be treated equally under the law, voting rights for women.

1869 - a plan is formed! Susan B. Anthony and Elizabeth Cady Stanton draft legislation for a Constitutional amendment that would give women the right to vote.

1869 - WYOMING!!! becomes the first state to grant women the right to vote in state and local elections. This also lets women participate in jury service, so one victory and one defeat....

1893-1918- Sixteen more states get smart and give women the vote.

1920- on August 26th the 19th amendment (that same one that Susan B. Anthony wrote 50 years prior) is FINALLY signed into law, giving women the right to vote in federal elections.

It may have taken us 70 years and a lot picket lines to get, but in 1920 we finally achieved having a say with our national elected leaders here in America. This won us a lot more than just getting to stand in line on election day - this won us a piece of the national budget. Once women started voting, we started mattering to the policy makers in Washington D.C., who all of a sudden wanted our vote.

One startling but true statistic reports the reality of this situation. Prior to women receiving the right to vote, maternal health care in America was dreadful. In fact, more American women died in childbirth during World War 1 than American soldiers in battle. The average in 1915 was 608 maternal deaths for every 100,000 live births. However, after 1920, health care for women started improving, and by 1940, a mere 20 years later, the rate had already declined to under 100 maternal deaths per every 100,000 live births. One reason for this was that in 1935 legislation (called Title V) was passed aimed specifically at bettering and promoting health care for mothers and children. Coincidence that this legislation was passed 15 years after women gained the right to vote?

By modern day, the rate is now at an average of 13 maternal deaths per 100,000 live births. While that rate is among the lowest in the world, a deeper look will show us that we still have a long way to go.

First however, lets look at how some of our sisters around the world are faring in the health care arena.

In most of the majority world, women's health care is an afterthought at best. Prenatal care is not an option, and birthing options are extremely limited. Most women use a mid-wife if one is available and give birth at home. If they do choose to have their baby in a hospital, they most likely will be required to supply all their own medical supplies, including sheets, gloves, soap, etc... These supplies are expensive and most women do not have the means to pay for them.

Therefore, the tradition of having babies at home continues. While this is a tradition that has resulted in babies for centuries, it is a practice that puts the mother and baby in harms way. Unsanitary conditions cause postpartum infections, which is the number one cause of maternal mortality in third world countries.

And while mid-wives provide a valuable service, they are not trained doctors or surgeons, so they are unable to provide key medical interventions when desperately needed. Another high cause of maternal deaths in the third world is sepsis and other complications that accompany a woman not able to get a c-section in time.

These are the realities. One mother dies every minute in the majority world due to a pregnancy related complication. She may leave her baby behind. She may leave other children behind. They may be cared for, they may not. Maternal health care is one piece in the puzzle of the orphan crisis, of the overall static economic picture of the majority world.

Policy changes at the highest levels of governments are needed. Education for girls is needed so that they can be informed and vote and rise up and become national leaders and change their countries on a federal level. Ground support is needed. Basic health education is needed for women. So much is needed. Women need to know they are valued and they matter. Every message their society sends them says the opposite.

And before we get all high and mighty, let's revisit our own statistics. Although we enjoy the best medical care in the world; although we can go to hospitals and there are surgeons that are capable of amazing feats, who can operate on our babies in the womb; we send some very disturbing messages as well. 13 mothers on average die per every 100,000 live births, but this is just the average. In actuality, the rate is triple that among African American women, and is also higher among Native Americans.

What is the message our society is sending? If you are white you matter, if you are black you don't? Are you disturbed? Bothered? I am. That's why I treasure my vote.