DTR. Oh how that acronym brings back awkward feelings and yet hopeful promises all at the same time. Back in college my girlfriends and I used to worry over boys and boyfriends and future boys and future boyfriends - oh and then there were the potential future boyfriends and potential future husbands, well you get the picture. It wasn't until someone had the ALL DEFINING DTR talk that everyone could just, well, relax. The DTR let everyone know - yes we are dating; or maybe, yes we are boyfriend and girlfriend; or maybe even the every-dreaded "I'm just not that into you" talk. Ouch. That one was the worst.
Well, I think its time that the men and women of the church had a DTR. A real, honest, look at our relationship lately. There needs to be confession on both sides, forgiveness on both sides, and then a biblical defining of what we will be to each other moving forward. It is the only way I see of allowing both of us the freedom, the encouragement, the power to be the full expression of the person God created us to be.
Defining the definitions:
helpmeet: In the Hebrew: ezer-kenegdo
Kenegdo: literally, "the help that opposes"
The best explanation I have ever heard of this idea is by an orthodox Jewish woman named Ahava. She says that the rabbis explain ezer-kenegdo this way: "like two posts of equal weight leaned against one another. They stand because of equal force."
Ezer: refers to a strong military ally. This term (ezer) is used to describe women twice in scripture, both in Genesis 2. Throughout the rest of scripture, ezer is used three times to refer to those Israel turns to for military aid, and a whopping 16 times to refer to God himself as a helper to Israel in battle. To summarize, of the 21 times ezer is used in scripture, 19 of those times are certainly in a military aid context. Therefore it is safe to conclude that the other two times ezer is used, to refer to woman as man's partner, it also has a strong military ally connotation.
Taken together as written in scripture, then, the ezer-kenegdo woman is a force to behold. She is the other half holding the man up with equal force, and is created to fight the battles before her with the strength of a warrior. Battles such as the injustices that fill this earth. Women are equipped, able warriors in the fights against poverty, slavery, trafficking, abusers, and oppressors. We can work as equals to elevate those who are marginalized, like the uneducated, the orphan, the widow, the homeless, and the immigrant or refugee. Not merely helpers, but equals in every regard.
Injustices abound in this world and we need all the fighters we can get. Let us not discount each other's abilities and worthiness to participate in the ministry of reconciliation based on our gender. There is, after all, enough work to go around.
