To me, reading is not a luxury, it's a necessity. I am constantly reading. I didn't really know what I wanted to do when I grew up, so in college I majored in English, pretty much just so I could read more books. Not surprisingly, I am currently un-employed (well, I do have those three kids to look after...).
However, for many in the developing world, reading is not only not a necessity or a luxury, it's not even an option. Illiteracy affects 25% of adults in the developing world, and not surprisingly, 67% of those are women. Women are chronically under-educated in the majority world. It is a a well-fashioned cycle of gender-roles and poverty that has kept many girls and women trapped under the authority of men for the entirety of their lives. Education costs money, money better spent to educate boys who will ensure the cultural status-quo.
Without education, a woman in a dangerous marriage has no way of supporting herself or her children and so she stays. Without education, a woman has no way of knowing that she has other options than to be married and raise five children with a man that has multiple wives. She has no voice and no skills to aid her outside of the realm of the house. She has nothing to pass along to her daughter other than the life that she knows. However, with an education, with literacy, suddenly a whole world opens up. If a young girl is educated, she may not marry at the age of 17. Instead she may decide to continue to pursue her education. She may become a lawyer, or a nurse. She may run for political office and seek to change her entire culture.She may not NEED a husband, though she will likely choose to have one. If that husband treats her abusively, she knows she has the skills to leave him. She is confident within herself and she will be able to pass this on to both her daughters AND sons.
And suddenly the status-quo begins to change. Like I said, reading is dangerous. It can fill a young impressionable mind with all sorts of dreams and ideas.
I saw this playing out first hand when I visited Sudan last July and August. All of a sudden the young girls of this new generation were going to school! Their mothers, the women we were teaching and praying with, had not and were all illiterate. We were using a picture Bible to convey gospel stories and messages. Can you imagine having a bible with no words?? Could you remember everything simply through pictures?? I know I couldn't. A long-term team that was set-up there was holding adult literacy classes, however, and some of the women were attending. I can not properly relate to you the pride on their faces when they could write their own name. It was transformational to their whole countenances.
Discussing the education of the girls was an interesting topic to chat with the Sudanese men of the village about with as well. I asked one of my friends there, a young man with a daughter about 18 months of age what he thought of it. He related to me that he wanted his Janie (his daughter) to be anything she wanted to be when she grew up - a pilot, a teacher, a doctor, anything. When I asked him how this would affect her marriage and family, he looked uncertain. There are still many questions about these new gender roles for everyone in the developing world to sort out. The good news is, the change has begun.
Even here in the U.S., the bastion of education for all and promotion of women's right's, reading is still dangerous. Most of all, especially in the church, we still hold on to that statas-quo of long ago, those gender roles I see so starkly played out in the developing countries I visit. I think we might call it "traditional roles" and feel good about it, or slap the label of "spheres" or "equal but different" on our attitudes. Sometimes I even hear submission thrown into the mix and then my skin starts to boil and my mind start shouting out things I should start saying RIGHT NOW! Through my, ahem, reading I have come to a few conclusions.
1. Reading books that challenge my faith only makes my faith stronger. My God is able to handle my biggest questions, doubts, and fears about Him, after all, He is a really big God. Not only can I question everything I am taught at church - I should. It makes my faith my own, forces me to dive deeply into scripture to find out what it says for myself. If I don't, then my relationship with Him is a fraud, inauthentic at its core. He can handle my questions, and yours too.
2. Submission is not my highest calling. Nor is being a wife. Nor is being a mother. If you a married woman with children, its not yours either. Being fully entered into a personal relationship with Christ, the product which is loving and serving others as I am filled with the Holy Spirit in order show God's glory as I work to grow the church is my highest calling. This is the work that I am called to. That YOU are called to. I promise you are, its right there in the Bible. Having a family did not change this calling, whether you are a man providing for one or a woman taking care of one; or a woman providing for one and a man taking care of one :).
3. When our focus is inward it can not be outward. Sort of redundant, but it bears saying, only because I see SO MANY mothers focused solely on the raising of children and taking care of the home. It may be your responsibility, but it is not your mission in life. Jesus tells you very clearly what your mission in life is in the gospels. I'm not going to tell you here - go READ it for yourself!
Reading lands me in places I never thought I would be. It takes me out of the boxes of women's, children's, and hospitality ministries and throws me into a world full of men that is hard to navigate. I don't know if they think I belong. But I do. Its right there in the Bible. Like Lydia, the first Christian in Europe who then teaches others, or Deborah, who was not only a wife and mother, but served God as a Judge of Israel, who all of Israel came to for counsel, I know I can serve the church, serve God, wherever He places me.
Here's some recommended reading to get you started on your journey of danger:
Generous Justice by Tim Keller. One of the best books on justice you will read. READ IT NOW!
When Helping Hurts: How to alleviate poverty without hurting the poor by Fikkert and Corbett. This book will have you re-thinking missions, both short-term and long, and the ways the church reaches the most vulnerable. An eye opener and conversation starter!
Irresistible Revolution by Shane Claiborne. You might start off hating this book. If you do, take a moment and ask yourself what you are struggling with, take a deep breath and finish the book. It can shift so many of your perspectives, and you don't have to end up living in a commune.
Soul Survivor by Philip Yancey. Its always good to know that other leaders in the church have struggled with the church at times, with faith, and have come through it all the stronger. Philip Yancey will introduce you to 13 people who influenced his faith throughout the years. When he does, go read books by them, especially
Annie Dilard' Pilgrim at Tinker Creek which will cause you to wonder at the everyday beauty of the world around.
Adopted for Life by Russell Moore. You could read anything by Dr. Moore and be on the right track, but if you are interested in adoption at all - and you should be, since you are adopted in Christ if you are a Christian, then this is the book to read first.
The Lost World of Genesis One by John Walton. This book will give you lots to think about in terms of your view on creation and God. Whether it ultimately changes any of your viewpoints, of course, is up to you.
Finally, if you have the tiniest artisit or creative hair on your body, Madeleine L'Engle's Walking on Water: reflections on Art and Faith is a must read. Its beautiful, poignant, and quiet.
Don't have time for a whole book? (And really, who does after getting to the end of this massively long blog post?) Here are some articles and websites that will get those thinking juices flowing:
http://rachelheldevans.com/blog
http://biologos.org/
http://www.christianalliancefororphans.org/
The Patriarchy movement
Post-Modern Women: What you need to know about us
More in a vegetative state of mind? Start with these docs:
The Lost Boys of Sudan documentary that will give you compassion and knowledge about a set of boys that have gone through so much.
God Grew Tired of Us Another movie about the lost boys of Sudan.
Happy reading everyone! And tell me what you're reading right now - I always need a recommendation! I'm currently reading this.
Wednesday, September 21, 2011
Sunday, September 11, 2011
Its Just Not Your Business
This post is in response to a recent blog post that circulated around the adoption community and beyond; this particular post received almost 300 comments on the author's blog alone, and I'm sure many more on the countless facebook, twitter, and blog accounts it was re-posted on. Every single comment I read was a positive one, except mine and one other of my friend's. It is not my usual mode of operation to write a response to someone else's opinion or blog; we all have our own personal views and ways of raising our children, and in the adoption community especially we tend to stick together pretty closely. However when I see something I feel is so obviously egregiousness and it is going not only unchecked but praised, I feel as if it is my duty as an adoptive parent to stand up and say something.
If you have not read this particular post, please don't. Just know that the author wrote it in the name of being "authentic" and "real" with her audience. She did this by sharing the intimate and personal details of behaviors the two children she very very recently adopted from Africa were displaying. Behavioral details her children, had they been able to express themselves properly in English and had the right social skills to know it was wrong, would probably not want their new mom sharing with every stranger on the internet. I understand this mom's need to be heard. I understand her need to be validated, understood, and encouraged. I understand it. But I don't agree with how she went about getting it.
As parents, and adoptive parents especially, we are walking a tight-rope of trust. What is harder than us being overwhelmed, exhausted, and struggling to connect with the kids we just brought into our families? Our kids adjusting to an entire new culture, entire new language, entire new family, entire new set of expectations at every corner, new foods, smells, and sounds, an entire new trajectory for their entire lives. Literally EVERY SINGLE ASPECT of their lives have changed with a plane ride. Anything at all we do to damage the trust we build with them may have ramifications we may not know about for years to come. Why would we want to expose their hurts and wounds and damaged selves for the world to see? They are acting out of fear and hurt, we should be searching for that unique and precious "child with-in" not blogging about how angry and nostalgic for the pre-adoption days they make us.
I see this as an alarming trend in the adoption world. As parents blog before and after they bring their children home they write about their raw emotions way way way too authentically. We must remember as a community that our children could someday read this. The internet is permanent. We can be authentic and say that the post-adoption days are not all peaches and roses, that there is real pain and grief to work through, that there are peaks and valleys, that you better have a major support group around you, that some days you are so overwhelmed by the walls your child puts up you have no idea how you will ever knock them down. We can also be authentic and tell people there is no greater joy than seeing the newest member of your family give you a real hug, a huge smile, play with joy, be a kid - a pleasure they were robbed of in their home country, blend in seamlessly to your family, tell you they love you for the first time, snuggle with you, relax around you, try a new food and like it, make a friend for the first time. There are ways to be authentic and real without being painfully revealing on the internet.
Adoption community: please, instead of posting public blogs about your raw emotions, journal about them on paper, talk about them with close friends, family, and your small group. After all, that is what they are for. Create an adoption support group to talk to. Or perhaps if you just can't stop blogging, you may want to start a private blog for close friends and family. Once you are a few years removed from this transition period you can talk to people about the realities of what post-adoption looks like at a seminar or conference for families looking for information on adoption. But for the love of Pete, please don't publish such private details of your children's own histories on the internet for all to see.
If you have not read this particular post, please don't. Just know that the author wrote it in the name of being "authentic" and "real" with her audience. She did this by sharing the intimate and personal details of behaviors the two children she very very recently adopted from Africa were displaying. Behavioral details her children, had they been able to express themselves properly in English and had the right social skills to know it was wrong, would probably not want their new mom sharing with every stranger on the internet. I understand this mom's need to be heard. I understand her need to be validated, understood, and encouraged. I understand it. But I don't agree with how she went about getting it.
As parents, and adoptive parents especially, we are walking a tight-rope of trust. What is harder than us being overwhelmed, exhausted, and struggling to connect with the kids we just brought into our families? Our kids adjusting to an entire new culture, entire new language, entire new family, entire new set of expectations at every corner, new foods, smells, and sounds, an entire new trajectory for their entire lives. Literally EVERY SINGLE ASPECT of their lives have changed with a plane ride. Anything at all we do to damage the trust we build with them may have ramifications we may not know about for years to come. Why would we want to expose their hurts and wounds and damaged selves for the world to see? They are acting out of fear and hurt, we should be searching for that unique and precious "child with-in" not blogging about how angry and nostalgic for the pre-adoption days they make us.
I see this as an alarming trend in the adoption world. As parents blog before and after they bring their children home they write about their raw emotions way way way too authentically. We must remember as a community that our children could someday read this. The internet is permanent. We can be authentic and say that the post-adoption days are not all peaches and roses, that there is real pain and grief to work through, that there are peaks and valleys, that you better have a major support group around you, that some days you are so overwhelmed by the walls your child puts up you have no idea how you will ever knock them down. We can also be authentic and tell people there is no greater joy than seeing the newest member of your family give you a real hug, a huge smile, play with joy, be a kid - a pleasure they were robbed of in their home country, blend in seamlessly to your family, tell you they love you for the first time, snuggle with you, relax around you, try a new food and like it, make a friend for the first time. There are ways to be authentic and real without being painfully revealing on the internet.
Adoption community: please, instead of posting public blogs about your raw emotions, journal about them on paper, talk about them with close friends, family, and your small group. After all, that is what they are for. Create an adoption support group to talk to. Or perhaps if you just can't stop blogging, you may want to start a private blog for close friends and family. Once you are a few years removed from this transition period you can talk to people about the realities of what post-adoption looks like at a seminar or conference for families looking for information on adoption. But for the love of Pete, please don't publish such private details of your children's own histories on the internet for all to see.
Monday, September 5, 2011
Electronics and Purchasing Justly
Get ready, I'm about to geek out because I am a geek with birthday money for electronics.
When I buy computer parts or a phone or anything that beeps I do tons of research, ask Rachel. And I'm keeping with my modus operandi. But this time instead of researching the most cost effective products, I'm researching companies with the best treatment of others. The result is that I found something great, something bad, and a whole bunch of meh.
Great: It turns out that one of my favorite companies rates highly on the global stage and I can safely buy all of their products.
Bad: My other favorite company rates poorly and I've bought tons of their products over the last 15 years.
Meh: It's really hard to get good information on these tech manufacturers. Different sites rate the same company at different ends of the spectrum while most research organizations don't have full data on their working conditions and pay. And sometimes, you are just trying to pick out the least bad company. That doesn't feel good.
So after about four hours of searching for information, here's some sites I found for research:
When I buy computer parts or a phone or anything that beeps I do tons of research, ask Rachel. And I'm keeping with my modus operandi. But this time instead of researching the most cost effective products, I'm researching companies with the best treatment of others. The result is that I found something great, something bad, and a whole bunch of meh.
Great: It turns out that one of my favorite companies rates highly on the global stage and I can safely buy all of their products.
Bad: My other favorite company rates poorly and I've bought tons of their products over the last 15 years.
Meh: It's really hard to get good information on these tech manufacturers. Different sites rate the same company at different ends of the spectrum while most research organizations don't have full data on their working conditions and pay. And sometimes, you are just trying to pick out the least bad company. That doesn't feel good.
So after about four hours of searching for information, here's some sites I found for research:
- www.corporatecritic.org & www.ethicalconsumer.org
- This one has the best rating system of all but is not free. I signed up for a four week trial.
- www.gooshing.co.uk
- This one is neat, but they are missing data on some key areas like working conditions/fair wage, etc. They can, however, tell you if the company deals in armaments or supports an evil dictator. Yay.
- www.crocodyl.org
- This one has a lot of research on non tech companies, so it will be good in the future for me.
- www.business-humanrights.org
- This one doesn't do ratings but gives articles about the companies. You can learn a lot here and I recommend it for researching companies where you think you will buy a lot
Things People Point Out: Stewardship
In another life, when I was doing college ministry for a "living", I was asked to give a sermon on the Parable of the Shrewd Manager (Luke 16), in front of about five hundred students. At the ripe age of twenty-two, commanding an annual salary of around $19,000, I didn't feel that I was the best equipped person to deliver this message. My then mentor, the Paul to my Timothy, told me that experience makes anecdotes and wit, but the Word of God and the Holy Spirit make the sermon. So I did it and I brought the house down. Or at least I did alright. I don't remember.
I had a conversation with a friend who didn't really see any value in what we're doing. And one of the reasons he gave was poor stewardship; that we were paying extra for things that we didn't have to.
Stewardship or Frugality
I think saving money on the things you buy is good, but frugality is just a part of being a good steward. A good steward gives resources to the appropriate places and appropriate times regardless of the deal. Thriftiness isn't appropriate when giving a good gift and hoarding goods you will never use is worse. It can even be a sin when used to scrutinize a loved one or save money to feel secure instead of finding security in God. Rachel and I aren't trying to be frugal, we're simply trying to give money appropriately by spending in places that support treating people justly.
Rachel and I are willing to pay more and be content with less things so that people around the world can be paid well for what they produce. Especially when their product is designed to make life easier for rich people in developed countries.
P.S. Rachel said people don't want to read "Bible Lessons" on blogs, so I deleted the masterpiece I wrote on Luke 16. But if you really want one, I suggest a short read through Matthew Henry's commentary here. It will make you want to do something good with your money.
I had a conversation with a friend who didn't really see any value in what we're doing. And one of the reasons he gave was poor stewardship; that we were paying extra for things that we didn't have to.
Stewardship or Frugality
I think saving money on the things you buy is good, but frugality is just a part of being a good steward. A good steward gives resources to the appropriate places and appropriate times regardless of the deal. Thriftiness isn't appropriate when giving a good gift and hoarding goods you will never use is worse. It can even be a sin when used to scrutinize a loved one or save money to feel secure instead of finding security in God. Rachel and I aren't trying to be frugal, we're simply trying to give money appropriately by spending in places that support treating people justly.
Rachel and I are willing to pay more and be content with less things so that people around the world can be paid well for what they produce. Especially when their product is designed to make life easier for rich people in developed countries.
P.S. Rachel said people don't want to read "Bible Lessons" on blogs, so I deleted the masterpiece I wrote on Luke 16. But if you really want one, I suggest a short read through Matthew Henry's commentary here. It will make you want to do something good with your money.
Thursday, September 1, 2011
And Go!
Today is the day! Today officially marks the start of our one year of living, buying, and giving as justly as possible. Here are my food plans:
Shop at my local grocer co-ops, such as Wheatsville, as well as farmer's markets on Wednesday at the Triangle and Saturday downtown, and subscribe to Greenling. Buy only fair traded coffee, chocolate, nuts, spices, vanilla, sugar, and tea.
Some sites I love!
Divine Chocolate - 45% of the cocoa farm is owned by the women who farm it! UNHEARD of in the brutal world of cocoa bean harvesting. Not to mention the chocolate is amazing!
Just Love Coffee, Gobena, Land of A Thousand Hills - I am a coffee FREAK, and there are a million and one fair trade coffee sites out there, these are just some extra cool ones. Not only is the coffee super good and already produced ethically, but then the profits benefit the community in some way as well. I love double good products!
The great thing about shopping at a place like Wheatsville is that hopefully I can get them to carry some of these products. Joining a co-op has its advantages!
Would you order food or coffee online? Do you buy fair trade? Would you consider changing - why or why not? Let me know!
Shop at my local grocer co-ops, such as Wheatsville, as well as farmer's markets on Wednesday at the Triangle and Saturday downtown, and subscribe to Greenling. Buy only fair traded coffee, chocolate, nuts, spices, vanilla, sugar, and tea.
Some sites I love!
Divine Chocolate - 45% of the cocoa farm is owned by the women who farm it! UNHEARD of in the brutal world of cocoa bean harvesting. Not to mention the chocolate is amazing!
Just Love Coffee, Gobena, Land of A Thousand Hills - I am a coffee FREAK, and there are a million and one fair trade coffee sites out there, these are just some extra cool ones. Not only is the coffee super good and already produced ethically, but then the profits benefit the community in some way as well. I love double good products!
The great thing about shopping at a place like Wheatsville is that hopefully I can get them to carry some of these products. Joining a co-op has its advantages!
Would you order food or coffee online? Do you buy fair trade? Would you consider changing - why or why not? Let me know!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)