I didn't start to become that interested in Martin Luther King Jr. or his ministry until maybe two years ago. In school we learned about him only superficially, going only as deep as the high points of his "I Have a Dream" speech, lumping him in with other African American leaders during a week in February (black history month). I found nothing particularly fascinating or overly interesting about him. If what I was taught in school was true, he was an effective civil rights leader during a turbulent time. I really couldn't have told you much more about him.
Then I read a book on inspirational Christian leaders that contained a short (maybe 35 page) biography of Dr. King, his faith, beliefs, non-violent practices, and his passion for all things just, from civil rights to compassion for those in poverty and I got really interested in this revolutionary man. There was so so much more to him than the cursory knowledge I had picked up in school. Dr. King truly was a man who lived out the gospel in its truest form.
It is because of Dr. King that I am able to have the family I have today. And that my sons are brothers, just as he dreamed fifty years ago. And that any of my children can and will marry whoever they choose, not based on race, but based solely on character and love.
In Biblical times, heroes as big as giants seem to emerge page after page - Abraham, Moses, Daniel, David. Men who led their people out of oppression, who wrestled angels, or survived lions, men who led vast armies to victories, or who slayed giant men with a flick of the wrist. Men like that don't seem to come around much anymore. But Dr. King was one of them. He led his people out oppression. He defied his enemies with no more than a speech. He heard God and obeyed. A hero of true biblical proportions, that enacted true justice on earth.
Monday, January 16, 2012
Tuesday, January 10, 2012
Women should Exercise
But not the kind of exercise that makes you all sweaty and gross and is hard. I mean, if you're in to that kind of thing, go for it. What I'm after is getting women to exercise their right to vote, and I don't care a lick who its for.
Let me take you on a short walk (pretty and painless I promise)through the history of the women's suffrage movement in the good ole U.S. of A.
1848 - the first time some women and men got to together in any official fashion to talk about voting rights. key words: Seneca Falls, NY. key people: Elizabeth Cady Stanton, Lucretia Mott key ideas: women and men should be treated equally under the law, voting rights for women.
1869 - a plan is formed! Susan B. Anthony and Elizabeth Cady Stanton draft legislation for a Constitutional amendment that would give women the right to vote.
1869 - WYOMING!!! becomes the first state to grant women the right to vote in state and local elections. This also lets women participate in jury service, so one victory and one defeat....
1893-1918- Sixteen more states get smart and give women the vote.
1920- on August 26th the 19th amendment (that same one that Susan B. Anthony wrote 50 years prior) is FINALLY signed into law, giving women the right to vote in federal elections.
It may have taken us 70 years and a lot picket lines to get, but in 1920 we finally achieved having a say with our national elected leaders here in America. This won us a lot more than just getting to stand in line on election day - this won us a piece of the national budget. Once women started voting, we started mattering to the policy makers in Washington D.C., who all of a sudden wanted our vote.
One startling but true statistic reports the reality of this situation. Prior to women receiving the right to vote, maternal health care in America was dreadful. In fact, more American women died in childbirth during World War 1 than American soldiers in battle. The average in 1915 was 608 maternal deaths for every 100,000 live births. However, after 1920, health care for women started improving, and by 1940, a mere 20 years later, the rate had already declined to under 100 maternal deaths per every 100,000 live births. One reason for this was that in 1935 legislation (called Title V) was passed aimed specifically at bettering and promoting health care for mothers and children. Coincidence that this legislation was passed 15 years after women gained the right to vote?
By modern day, the rate is now at an average of 13 maternal deaths per 100,000 live births. While that rate is among the lowest in the world, a deeper look will show us that we still have a long way to go.
First however, lets look at how some of our sisters around the world are faring in the health care arena.
In most of the majority world, women's health care is an afterthought at best. Prenatal care is not an option, and birthing options are extremely limited. Most women use a mid-wife if one is available and give birth at home. If they do choose to have their baby in a hospital, they most likely will be required to supply all their own medical supplies, including sheets, gloves, soap, etc... These supplies are expensive and most women do not have the means to pay for them.
Therefore, the tradition of having babies at home continues. While this is a tradition that has resulted in babies for centuries, it is a practice that puts the mother and baby in harms way. Unsanitary conditions cause postpartum infections, which is the number one cause of maternal mortality in third world countries.
And while mid-wives provide a valuable service, they are not trained doctors or surgeons, so they are unable to provide key medical interventions when desperately needed. Another high cause of maternal deaths in the third world is sepsis and other complications that accompany a woman not able to get a c-section in time.
These are the realities. One mother dies every minute in the majority world due to a pregnancy related complication. She may leave her baby behind. She may leave other children behind. They may be cared for, they may not. Maternal health care is one piece in the puzzle of the orphan crisis, of the overall static economic picture of the majority world.
Policy changes at the highest levels of governments are needed. Education for girls is needed so that they can be informed and vote and rise up and become national leaders and change their countries on a federal level. Ground support is needed. Basic health education is needed for women. So much is needed. Women need to know they are valued and they matter. Every message their society sends them says the opposite.
And before we get all high and mighty, let's revisit our own statistics. Although we enjoy the best medical care in the world; although we can go to hospitals and there are surgeons that are capable of amazing feats, who can operate on our babies in the womb; we send some very disturbing messages as well. 13 mothers on average die per every 100,000 live births, but this is just the average. In actuality, the rate is triple that among African American women, and is also higher among Native Americans.
What is the message our society is sending? If you are white you matter, if you are black you don't? Are you disturbed? Bothered? I am. That's why I treasure my vote.
Wednesday, November 16, 2011
Gift Guide Volume 2
Just a couple of addendum's to my gift guide. Just doing my part for the black Friday/ local Saturday weekend shoppers.
Music for the City: Austin musicians giving back to Austin = awesome. There are now two albums to choose from. The first album benefits Austin Children's Shelter and Safeplace. The new album (which for some reason is unavailable online, but available at local stores like Waterloo) benefits Mobile Loaves and Fishes.
Love41: Love41 works to support one of my all time favorite organizations - Africa New Life. Africa New Life has done and continues to do amazing and life changing work among the people of Rwanda.
Rwanda baskets: Another way to support the people of Rwanda is buy one of these incredible baskets. They come in as many shapes and sizes as you can think up a use for.
Divine Chocolate: Chocolate that you can feel good about buying and giving. Divine chocolate is some of the only chocolate in the world made completely without forced labor. In addition, the workers at the co-op farm own 45% of the company! These chocolate bars make great gifts to give out to neighbors. They are available online and at Whole Foods stores.
Thanks everyone for shopping kindly this year. This is such an important part of what Christmas is really about.
Music for the City: Austin musicians giving back to Austin = awesome. There are now two albums to choose from. The first album benefits Austin Children's Shelter and Safeplace. The new album (which for some reason is unavailable online, but available at local stores like Waterloo) benefits Mobile Loaves and Fishes.
Love41: Love41 works to support one of my all time favorite organizations - Africa New Life. Africa New Life has done and continues to do amazing and life changing work among the people of Rwanda.
Rwanda baskets: Another way to support the people of Rwanda is buy one of these incredible baskets. They come in as many shapes and sizes as you can think up a use for.
Divine Chocolate: Chocolate that you can feel good about buying and giving. Divine chocolate is some of the only chocolate in the world made completely without forced labor. In addition, the workers at the co-op farm own 45% of the company! These chocolate bars make great gifts to give out to neighbors. They are available online and at Whole Foods stores.
Thanks everyone for shopping kindly this year. This is such an important part of what Christmas is really about.
My Gift Guide
The holidays are officially upon us. I know this because my mailbox is now just a depository for the onslaught of adverts and catalogs that we get everyday, and every commercial on tv is accompanied by a Christmas jingle. With the holidays comes shopping, and though shopping responsibly can be a year-round mission, starting out or focusing on buying items that also give back during the holidays is a great place to start. Here is my official unofficial gift giving guide, with all of my favorite organizations and companies. This is by NO MEANS an exhaustive list - any Google search would tell you that - this is just a list of MY personal favorites, divided up by category. I hope you find it helpful as you search for gifts to give your loved ones this season.
Jewelry:
Noonday Collection: Ahh, my heart always beats a little faster when I go to a Noonday trunk show or window shop online at their beautiful earrings, necklaces, knitwear.... Everything, and I mean everything, is made by local artisans around the world, and your purchases go to support families seeking to adopt as well (so, double good!). An Austin born and raised company!
Raven + Lily: LOVE this stuff, its just plain cool. Another local Austin company (we are a really cool city) that stretches itself to reach out and help women around the world. Their metal-worked jewelry is made by marginalized women in Ethiopia and India, and they pour profits back into those same communities to establish healthcare, education, and micro-loans in order to combat the cycle of poverty.
Funky Fish: This lady does jewelry like no other. Another Austin gem, Dawn Patterson of Funky Fish supports all sorts of other organizations through Funky Fish, including Project Hopeful and Hope in Ethiopia. I especially LOVE her bracelets (you could get one in every color, I swear) and her name necklaces. BUT, word to the wise, she is closing up shop for 2 weeks while she moves to North Austin (YAY! Welcome to my hood, Dawn!) so ORDER NOW if you want her stuff (and you do, trust me!).
Shoes:
Chooze: Cutest shoes EVER. Did I say ever? I totally meant it. Too bad they are for toddlers... If you live in Austin, Sandy's carries these, if not, there is always the interwebs. Their model of sustainability and working within the communities that they are trying to help kicks Toms's butt, and I have a feeling they might be a bit more durable.
Sseko: These sandals are all over the pages of magazines these days, and you can order them through Jessica and Noonday, or directly from the Sseko website itself. They train young women in Uganda in business and accounting while they are on their way to college in order to give them real business experience. Plus I love the swap-strap idea, but then anything that reminds me of the 80's :)
Roma Boots: This company is sort of along the lines of Toms, only instead of shoes, they take these rain boots over to super rainy and muddy areas of the world to give to children. Its a one for one concept. The boots are very cute, if only it would rain here....
Toms: Well, if you don't know what Toms is, you might just want to go to their website. They do have some Movember specials and holiday shoes out for the season.
Simple: You might not immediately associate Simple with this line-up of companies, but they are actually a super awesome company. They make all their shoes out of recycled materials and their supply chain is completely clean and maybe the most ethical one out there. Their shoes are really cute too!
Clothing:
Good and Fair Clothing: OMG, when I first found Good and Fair clothing I thought I was going to faint. I LOVE basic tee's and they have them! They have their cotton sourced right there on their website. Once you have felt how soft these shirts (um, and underwear) are, you won't want to wear anything else.
Threads 4 Thought: I stumbled upon this label one day while looking for a hoodie for my hubs, and now I don't know what I would do without it. They have super great basics. They stand for sustainability and give back to the International Rescue Committee.
IOU: Have you heard? Plaid is the new black. Or something like that. This clothing line is unique and handmade and each item has a personal story. For the plaid lover in your life.
Punjammies: Sleep in style. These jammies are such a great idea for a gift, or just for yourself. They are made by women in India rescued from a life of forced prostitution. They are beautiful, and the women behind them are even more beautiful.
Accessories
Open Arms Open Arms is located right in the heart of downtown Austin and employs refugee women in a manner that they can support themselves. Visit their website and consider purchasing one of the unique scarves or other creations made out of recycled t-shirts.
Krochet Kids: Hats and other fun things knit by women in... Uganda! Love me my Uganda! Krochet Kids has actually exploded as of late, and now they have all sorts of clothing and such, but their core remains the same - buy a hat, change a life.
Warby Parker Eye wear: Is your future so bright that you have to wear shades? Thought so. Warby Parker is committed to keeping your eyes protected and doing good throughout the world. Now that is a bright idea. Check out their web page for more info.
Lifted Uganda: My friend Katie is living over in Uganda right now with her husband and kids and she is helping out some women by selling handmade bibs and burb cloths. The lag time on these is considerable, (coming from Africa), so order a bunch to have on hand for baby showers throughout the year.
Hello Somebody: What time is it? Time for you to get a watch! Or two or three or four watches... Hello Somebody is an organization that partners with other orgs to support them - and right now they are partnering with Africa New Life to help get some really sweet street boys of the street and into school. All you have to do is buy a watch (or a shirt, etc...). These are a great price-point to give out as gifts as well. If you do buy a watch, please type in the boy I am trying to help get off the street, Emmanuel Niyomugabo in the notes section.
Feed Projects: From cool large bags to (gasp) Clarins pouches, Feed projects raises funds to feed kids the world over. I reeeaaaally want one of the over-sized burlappy ones (hint, hint).
Toys
Fair Trade Sports: Fair Trade soccer balls, basketballs, and footballs for the sports enthusiast in your life!
Cosmetics and Body Care
Lush: This is sort of a weird company, but a couple times a year they do something really cool. Right now they have these awesome "charity pots" of all organic fair trade cocoa butter they are selling, and giving 100% of the money from these to grassroots charities around the world. Mmmmm. I can feel my dry skin healing as I type.
Radiant Cosmetics: ANOTHER Austin-based company. We might be the most socially-minded business city out there. Radiant cosmetics is involved in fighting human trafficking, and they have beautiful make-up and skin-care.
Well, that's what I've got for you. I've left off food items, like coffee and chocolate and such, as well as entertainment, like musicians and photographers that are giving back this time of year. I am already seeing that I will need to do a follow-up post. But, this is a good jumping off point. Again, these are just MY favorites, there are many other organizations and companies out there giving back and doing good!
Update: Here is volume two.
Jewelry:
Noonday Collection: Ahh, my heart always beats a little faster when I go to a Noonday trunk show or window shop online at their beautiful earrings, necklaces, knitwear.... Everything, and I mean everything, is made by local artisans around the world, and your purchases go to support families seeking to adopt as well (so, double good!). An Austin born and raised company!
Raven + Lily: LOVE this stuff, its just plain cool. Another local Austin company (we are a really cool city) that stretches itself to reach out and help women around the world. Their metal-worked jewelry is made by marginalized women in Ethiopia and India, and they pour profits back into those same communities to establish healthcare, education, and micro-loans in order to combat the cycle of poverty.
Funky Fish: This lady does jewelry like no other. Another Austin gem, Dawn Patterson of Funky Fish supports all sorts of other organizations through Funky Fish, including Project Hopeful and Hope in Ethiopia. I especially LOVE her bracelets (you could get one in every color, I swear) and her name necklaces. BUT, word to the wise, she is closing up shop for 2 weeks while she moves to North Austin (YAY! Welcome to my hood, Dawn!) so ORDER NOW if you want her stuff (and you do, trust me!).
Shoes:
Chooze: Cutest shoes EVER. Did I say ever? I totally meant it. Too bad they are for toddlers... If you live in Austin, Sandy's carries these, if not, there is always the interwebs. Their model of sustainability and working within the communities that they are trying to help kicks Toms's butt, and I have a feeling they might be a bit more durable.
Sseko: These sandals are all over the pages of magazines these days, and you can order them through Jessica and Noonday, or directly from the Sseko website itself. They train young women in Uganda in business and accounting while they are on their way to college in order to give them real business experience. Plus I love the swap-strap idea, but then anything that reminds me of the 80's :)
Roma Boots: This company is sort of along the lines of Toms, only instead of shoes, they take these rain boots over to super rainy and muddy areas of the world to give to children. Its a one for one concept. The boots are very cute, if only it would rain here....
Toms: Well, if you don't know what Toms is, you might just want to go to their website. They do have some Movember specials and holiday shoes out for the season.
Simple: You might not immediately associate Simple with this line-up of companies, but they are actually a super awesome company. They make all their shoes out of recycled materials and their supply chain is completely clean and maybe the most ethical one out there. Their shoes are really cute too!
Clothing:
Good and Fair Clothing: OMG, when I first found Good and Fair clothing I thought I was going to faint. I LOVE basic tee's and they have them! They have their cotton sourced right there on their website. Once you have felt how soft these shirts (um, and underwear) are, you won't want to wear anything else.
Threads 4 Thought: I stumbled upon this label one day while looking for a hoodie for my hubs, and now I don't know what I would do without it. They have super great basics. They stand for sustainability and give back to the International Rescue Committee.
IOU: Have you heard? Plaid is the new black. Or something like that. This clothing line is unique and handmade and each item has a personal story. For the plaid lover in your life.
Punjammies: Sleep in style. These jammies are such a great idea for a gift, or just for yourself. They are made by women in India rescued from a life of forced prostitution. They are beautiful, and the women behind them are even more beautiful.
Accessories
Open Arms Open Arms is located right in the heart of downtown Austin and employs refugee women in a manner that they can support themselves. Visit their website and consider purchasing one of the unique scarves or other creations made out of recycled t-shirts.
Krochet Kids: Hats and other fun things knit by women in... Uganda! Love me my Uganda! Krochet Kids has actually exploded as of late, and now they have all sorts of clothing and such, but their core remains the same - buy a hat, change a life.
Warby Parker Eye wear: Is your future so bright that you have to wear shades? Thought so. Warby Parker is committed to keeping your eyes protected and doing good throughout the world. Now that is a bright idea. Check out their web page for more info.
Lifted Uganda: My friend Katie is living over in Uganda right now with her husband and kids and she is helping out some women by selling handmade bibs and burb cloths. The lag time on these is considerable, (coming from Africa), so order a bunch to have on hand for baby showers throughout the year.
Hello Somebody: What time is it? Time for you to get a watch! Or two or three or four watches... Hello Somebody is an organization that partners with other orgs to support them - and right now they are partnering with Africa New Life to help get some really sweet street boys of the street and into school. All you have to do is buy a watch (or a shirt, etc...). These are a great price-point to give out as gifts as well. If you do buy a watch, please type in the boy I am trying to help get off the street, Emmanuel Niyomugabo in the notes section.
Feed Projects: From cool large bags to (gasp) Clarins pouches, Feed projects raises funds to feed kids the world over. I reeeaaaally want one of the over-sized burlappy ones (hint, hint).
Toys
Fair Trade Sports: Fair Trade soccer balls, basketballs, and footballs for the sports enthusiast in your life!
Cosmetics and Body Care
Lush: This is sort of a weird company, but a couple times a year they do something really cool. Right now they have these awesome "charity pots" of all organic fair trade cocoa butter they are selling, and giving 100% of the money from these to grassroots charities around the world. Mmmmm. I can feel my dry skin healing as I type.
Radiant Cosmetics: ANOTHER Austin-based company. We might be the most socially-minded business city out there. Radiant cosmetics is involved in fighting human trafficking, and they have beautiful make-up and skin-care.
Well, that's what I've got for you. I've left off food items, like coffee and chocolate and such, as well as entertainment, like musicians and photographers that are giving back this time of year. I am already seeing that I will need to do a follow-up post. But, this is a good jumping off point. Again, these are just MY favorites, there are many other organizations and companies out there giving back and doing good!
Update: Here is volume two.
Monday, October 10, 2011
DTR: Defining the Relationship
DTR. Oh how that acronym brings back awkward feelings and yet hopeful promises all at the same time. Back in college my girlfriends and I used to worry over boys and boyfriends and future boys and future boyfriends - oh and then there were the potential future boyfriends and potential future husbands, well you get the picture. It wasn't until someone had the ALL DEFINING DTR talk that everyone could just, well, relax. The DTR let everyone know - yes we are dating; or maybe, yes we are boyfriend and girlfriend; or maybe even the every-dreaded "I'm just not that into you" talk. Ouch. That one was the worst.
Well, I think its time that the men and women of the church had a DTR. A real, honest, look at our relationship lately. There needs to be confession on both sides, forgiveness on both sides, and then a biblical defining of what we will be to each other moving forward. It is the only way I see of allowing both of us the freedom, the encouragement, the power to be the full expression of the person God created us to be.
Defining the definitions:
helpmeet: In the Hebrew: ezer-kenegdo
Kenegdo: literally, "the help that opposes"
The best explanation I have ever heard of this idea is by an orthodox Jewish woman named Ahava. She says that the rabbis explain ezer-kenegdo this way: "like two posts of equal weight leaned against one another. They stand because of equal force."
Ezer: refers to a strong military ally. This term (ezer) is used to describe women twice in scripture, both in Genesis 2. Throughout the rest of scripture, ezer is used three times to refer to those Israel turns to for military aid, and a whopping 16 times to refer to God himself as a helper to Israel in battle. To summarize, of the 21 times ezer is used in scripture, 19 of those times are certainly in a military aid context. Therefore it is safe to conclude that the other two times ezer is used, to refer to woman as man's partner, it also has a strong military ally connotation.
Taken together as written in scripture, then, the ezer-kenegdo woman is a force to behold. She is the other half holding the man up with equal force, and is created to fight the battles before her with the strength of a warrior. Battles such as the injustices that fill this earth. Women are equipped, able warriors in the fights against poverty, slavery, trafficking, abusers, and oppressors. We can work as equals to elevate those who are marginalized, like the uneducated, the orphan, the widow, the homeless, and the immigrant or refugee. Not merely helpers, but equals in every regard.
Injustices abound in this world and we need all the fighters we can get. Let us not discount each other's abilities and worthiness to participate in the ministry of reconciliation based on our gender. There is, after all, enough work to go around.
Well, I think its time that the men and women of the church had a DTR. A real, honest, look at our relationship lately. There needs to be confession on both sides, forgiveness on both sides, and then a biblical defining of what we will be to each other moving forward. It is the only way I see of allowing both of us the freedom, the encouragement, the power to be the full expression of the person God created us to be.
Defining the definitions:
helpmeet: In the Hebrew: ezer-kenegdo
Kenegdo: literally, "the help that opposes"
The best explanation I have ever heard of this idea is by an orthodox Jewish woman named Ahava. She says that the rabbis explain ezer-kenegdo this way: "like two posts of equal weight leaned against one another. They stand because of equal force."
Ezer: refers to a strong military ally. This term (ezer) is used to describe women twice in scripture, both in Genesis 2. Throughout the rest of scripture, ezer is used three times to refer to those Israel turns to for military aid, and a whopping 16 times to refer to God himself as a helper to Israel in battle. To summarize, of the 21 times ezer is used in scripture, 19 of those times are certainly in a military aid context. Therefore it is safe to conclude that the other two times ezer is used, to refer to woman as man's partner, it also has a strong military ally connotation.
Taken together as written in scripture, then, the ezer-kenegdo woman is a force to behold. She is the other half holding the man up with equal force, and is created to fight the battles before her with the strength of a warrior. Battles such as the injustices that fill this earth. Women are equipped, able warriors in the fights against poverty, slavery, trafficking, abusers, and oppressors. We can work as equals to elevate those who are marginalized, like the uneducated, the orphan, the widow, the homeless, and the immigrant or refugee. Not merely helpers, but equals in every regard.
Injustices abound in this world and we need all the fighters we can get. Let us not discount each other's abilities and worthiness to participate in the ministry of reconciliation based on our gender. There is, after all, enough work to go around.
Wednesday, September 21, 2011
Reading is the Most Dangerous thing I do
To me, reading is not a luxury, it's a necessity. I am constantly reading. I didn't really know what I wanted to do when I grew up, so in college I majored in English, pretty much just so I could read more books. Not surprisingly, I am currently un-employed (well, I do have those three kids to look after...).
However, for many in the developing world, reading is not only not a necessity or a luxury, it's not even an option. Illiteracy affects 25% of adults in the developing world, and not surprisingly, 67% of those are women. Women are chronically under-educated in the majority world. It is a a well-fashioned cycle of gender-roles and poverty that has kept many girls and women trapped under the authority of men for the entirety of their lives. Education costs money, money better spent to educate boys who will ensure the cultural status-quo.
Without education, a woman in a dangerous marriage has no way of supporting herself or her children and so she stays. Without education, a woman has no way of knowing that she has other options than to be married and raise five children with a man that has multiple wives. She has no voice and no skills to aid her outside of the realm of the house. She has nothing to pass along to her daughter other than the life that she knows. However, with an education, with literacy, suddenly a whole world opens up. If a young girl is educated, she may not marry at the age of 17. Instead she may decide to continue to pursue her education. She may become a lawyer, or a nurse. She may run for political office and seek to change her entire culture.She may not NEED a husband, though she will likely choose to have one. If that husband treats her abusively, she knows she has the skills to leave him. She is confident within herself and she will be able to pass this on to both her daughters AND sons.
And suddenly the status-quo begins to change. Like I said, reading is dangerous. It can fill a young impressionable mind with all sorts of dreams and ideas.
I saw this playing out first hand when I visited Sudan last July and August. All of a sudden the young girls of this new generation were going to school! Their mothers, the women we were teaching and praying with, had not and were all illiterate. We were using a picture Bible to convey gospel stories and messages. Can you imagine having a bible with no words?? Could you remember everything simply through pictures?? I know I couldn't. A long-term team that was set-up there was holding adult literacy classes, however, and some of the women were attending. I can not properly relate to you the pride on their faces when they could write their own name. It was transformational to their whole countenances.
Discussing the education of the girls was an interesting topic to chat with the Sudanese men of the village about with as well. I asked one of my friends there, a young man with a daughter about 18 months of age what he thought of it. He related to me that he wanted his Janie (his daughter) to be anything she wanted to be when she grew up - a pilot, a teacher, a doctor, anything. When I asked him how this would affect her marriage and family, he looked uncertain. There are still many questions about these new gender roles for everyone in the developing world to sort out. The good news is, the change has begun.
Even here in the U.S., the bastion of education for all and promotion of women's right's, reading is still dangerous. Most of all, especially in the church, we still hold on to that statas-quo of long ago, those gender roles I see so starkly played out in the developing countries I visit. I think we might call it "traditional roles" and feel good about it, or slap the label of "spheres" or "equal but different" on our attitudes. Sometimes I even hear submission thrown into the mix and then my skin starts to boil and my mind start shouting out things I should start saying RIGHT NOW! Through my, ahem, reading I have come to a few conclusions.
1. Reading books that challenge my faith only makes my faith stronger. My God is able to handle my biggest questions, doubts, and fears about Him, after all, He is a really big God. Not only can I question everything I am taught at church - I should. It makes my faith my own, forces me to dive deeply into scripture to find out what it says for myself. If I don't, then my relationship with Him is a fraud, inauthentic at its core. He can handle my questions, and yours too.
2. Submission is not my highest calling. Nor is being a wife. Nor is being a mother. If you a married woman with children, its not yours either. Being fully entered into a personal relationship with Christ, the product which is loving and serving others as I am filled with the Holy Spirit in order show God's glory as I work to grow the church is my highest calling. This is the work that I am called to. That YOU are called to. I promise you are, its right there in the Bible. Having a family did not change this calling, whether you are a man providing for one or a woman taking care of one; or a woman providing for one and a man taking care of one :).
3. When our focus is inward it can not be outward. Sort of redundant, but it bears saying, only because I see SO MANY mothers focused solely on the raising of children and taking care of the home. It may be your responsibility, but it is not your mission in life. Jesus tells you very clearly what your mission in life is in the gospels. I'm not going to tell you here - go READ it for yourself!
Reading lands me in places I never thought I would be. It takes me out of the boxes of women's, children's, and hospitality ministries and throws me into a world full of men that is hard to navigate. I don't know if they think I belong. But I do. Its right there in the Bible. Like Lydia, the first Christian in Europe who then teaches others, or Deborah, who was not only a wife and mother, but served God as a Judge of Israel, who all of Israel came to for counsel, I know I can serve the church, serve God, wherever He places me.
Here's some recommended reading to get you started on your journey of danger:
Generous Justice by Tim Keller. One of the best books on justice you will read. READ IT NOW!
When Helping Hurts: How to alleviate poverty without hurting the poor by Fikkert and Corbett. This book will have you re-thinking missions, both short-term and long, and the ways the church reaches the most vulnerable. An eye opener and conversation starter!
Irresistible Revolution by Shane Claiborne. You might start off hating this book. If you do, take a moment and ask yourself what you are struggling with, take a deep breath and finish the book. It can shift so many of your perspectives, and you don't have to end up living in a commune.
Soul Survivor by Philip Yancey. Its always good to know that other leaders in the church have struggled with the church at times, with faith, and have come through it all the stronger. Philip Yancey will introduce you to 13 people who influenced his faith throughout the years. When he does, go read books by them, especially
Annie Dilard' Pilgrim at Tinker Creek which will cause you to wonder at the everyday beauty of the world around.
Adopted for Life by Russell Moore. You could read anything by Dr. Moore and be on the right track, but if you are interested in adoption at all - and you should be, since you are adopted in Christ if you are a Christian, then this is the book to read first.
The Lost World of Genesis One by John Walton. This book will give you lots to think about in terms of your view on creation and God. Whether it ultimately changes any of your viewpoints, of course, is up to you.
Finally, if you have the tiniest artisit or creative hair on your body, Madeleine L'Engle's Walking on Water: reflections on Art and Faith is a must read. Its beautiful, poignant, and quiet.
Don't have time for a whole book? (And really, who does after getting to the end of this massively long blog post?) Here are some articles and websites that will get those thinking juices flowing:
http://rachelheldevans.com/blog
http://biologos.org/
http://www.christianalliancefororphans.org/
The Patriarchy movement
Post-Modern Women: What you need to know about us
More in a vegetative state of mind? Start with these docs:
The Lost Boys of Sudan documentary that will give you compassion and knowledge about a set of boys that have gone through so much.
God Grew Tired of Us Another movie about the lost boys of Sudan.
Happy reading everyone! And tell me what you're reading right now - I always need a recommendation! I'm currently reading this.
However, for many in the developing world, reading is not only not a necessity or a luxury, it's not even an option. Illiteracy affects 25% of adults in the developing world, and not surprisingly, 67% of those are women. Women are chronically under-educated in the majority world. It is a a well-fashioned cycle of gender-roles and poverty that has kept many girls and women trapped under the authority of men for the entirety of their lives. Education costs money, money better spent to educate boys who will ensure the cultural status-quo.
Without education, a woman in a dangerous marriage has no way of supporting herself or her children and so she stays. Without education, a woman has no way of knowing that she has other options than to be married and raise five children with a man that has multiple wives. She has no voice and no skills to aid her outside of the realm of the house. She has nothing to pass along to her daughter other than the life that she knows. However, with an education, with literacy, suddenly a whole world opens up. If a young girl is educated, she may not marry at the age of 17. Instead she may decide to continue to pursue her education. She may become a lawyer, or a nurse. She may run for political office and seek to change her entire culture.She may not NEED a husband, though she will likely choose to have one. If that husband treats her abusively, she knows she has the skills to leave him. She is confident within herself and she will be able to pass this on to both her daughters AND sons.
And suddenly the status-quo begins to change. Like I said, reading is dangerous. It can fill a young impressionable mind with all sorts of dreams and ideas.
I saw this playing out first hand when I visited Sudan last July and August. All of a sudden the young girls of this new generation were going to school! Their mothers, the women we were teaching and praying with, had not and were all illiterate. We were using a picture Bible to convey gospel stories and messages. Can you imagine having a bible with no words?? Could you remember everything simply through pictures?? I know I couldn't. A long-term team that was set-up there was holding adult literacy classes, however, and some of the women were attending. I can not properly relate to you the pride on their faces when they could write their own name. It was transformational to their whole countenances.
Discussing the education of the girls was an interesting topic to chat with the Sudanese men of the village about with as well. I asked one of my friends there, a young man with a daughter about 18 months of age what he thought of it. He related to me that he wanted his Janie (his daughter) to be anything she wanted to be when she grew up - a pilot, a teacher, a doctor, anything. When I asked him how this would affect her marriage and family, he looked uncertain. There are still many questions about these new gender roles for everyone in the developing world to sort out. The good news is, the change has begun.
Even here in the U.S., the bastion of education for all and promotion of women's right's, reading is still dangerous. Most of all, especially in the church, we still hold on to that statas-quo of long ago, those gender roles I see so starkly played out in the developing countries I visit. I think we might call it "traditional roles" and feel good about it, or slap the label of "spheres" or "equal but different" on our attitudes. Sometimes I even hear submission thrown into the mix and then my skin starts to boil and my mind start shouting out things I should start saying RIGHT NOW! Through my, ahem, reading I have come to a few conclusions.
1. Reading books that challenge my faith only makes my faith stronger. My God is able to handle my biggest questions, doubts, and fears about Him, after all, He is a really big God. Not only can I question everything I am taught at church - I should. It makes my faith my own, forces me to dive deeply into scripture to find out what it says for myself. If I don't, then my relationship with Him is a fraud, inauthentic at its core. He can handle my questions, and yours too.
2. Submission is not my highest calling. Nor is being a wife. Nor is being a mother. If you a married woman with children, its not yours either. Being fully entered into a personal relationship with Christ, the product which is loving and serving others as I am filled with the Holy Spirit in order show God's glory as I work to grow the church is my highest calling. This is the work that I am called to. That YOU are called to. I promise you are, its right there in the Bible. Having a family did not change this calling, whether you are a man providing for one or a woman taking care of one; or a woman providing for one and a man taking care of one :).
3. When our focus is inward it can not be outward. Sort of redundant, but it bears saying, only because I see SO MANY mothers focused solely on the raising of children and taking care of the home. It may be your responsibility, but it is not your mission in life. Jesus tells you very clearly what your mission in life is in the gospels. I'm not going to tell you here - go READ it for yourself!
Reading lands me in places I never thought I would be. It takes me out of the boxes of women's, children's, and hospitality ministries and throws me into a world full of men that is hard to navigate. I don't know if they think I belong. But I do. Its right there in the Bible. Like Lydia, the first Christian in Europe who then teaches others, or Deborah, who was not only a wife and mother, but served God as a Judge of Israel, who all of Israel came to for counsel, I know I can serve the church, serve God, wherever He places me.
Here's some recommended reading to get you started on your journey of danger:
Generous Justice by Tim Keller. One of the best books on justice you will read. READ IT NOW!
When Helping Hurts: How to alleviate poverty without hurting the poor by Fikkert and Corbett. This book will have you re-thinking missions, both short-term and long, and the ways the church reaches the most vulnerable. An eye opener and conversation starter!
Irresistible Revolution by Shane Claiborne. You might start off hating this book. If you do, take a moment and ask yourself what you are struggling with, take a deep breath and finish the book. It can shift so many of your perspectives, and you don't have to end up living in a commune.
Soul Survivor by Philip Yancey. Its always good to know that other leaders in the church have struggled with the church at times, with faith, and have come through it all the stronger. Philip Yancey will introduce you to 13 people who influenced his faith throughout the years. When he does, go read books by them, especially
Annie Dilard' Pilgrim at Tinker Creek which will cause you to wonder at the everyday beauty of the world around.
Adopted for Life by Russell Moore. You could read anything by Dr. Moore and be on the right track, but if you are interested in adoption at all - and you should be, since you are adopted in Christ if you are a Christian, then this is the book to read first.
The Lost World of Genesis One by John Walton. This book will give you lots to think about in terms of your view on creation and God. Whether it ultimately changes any of your viewpoints, of course, is up to you.
Finally, if you have the tiniest artisit or creative hair on your body, Madeleine L'Engle's Walking on Water: reflections on Art and Faith is a must read. Its beautiful, poignant, and quiet.
Don't have time for a whole book? (And really, who does after getting to the end of this massively long blog post?) Here are some articles and websites that will get those thinking juices flowing:
http://rachelheldevans.com/blog
http://biologos.org/
http://www.christianalliancefororphans.org/
The Patriarchy movement
Post-Modern Women: What you need to know about us
More in a vegetative state of mind? Start with these docs:
The Lost Boys of Sudan documentary that will give you compassion and knowledge about a set of boys that have gone through so much.
God Grew Tired of Us Another movie about the lost boys of Sudan.
Happy reading everyone! And tell me what you're reading right now - I always need a recommendation! I'm currently reading this.
Sunday, September 11, 2011
Its Just Not Your Business
This post is in response to a recent blog post that circulated around the adoption community and beyond; this particular post received almost 300 comments on the author's blog alone, and I'm sure many more on the countless facebook, twitter, and blog accounts it was re-posted on. Every single comment I read was a positive one, except mine and one other of my friend's. It is not my usual mode of operation to write a response to someone else's opinion or blog; we all have our own personal views and ways of raising our children, and in the adoption community especially we tend to stick together pretty closely. However when I see something I feel is so obviously egregiousness and it is going not only unchecked but praised, I feel as if it is my duty as an adoptive parent to stand up and say something.
If you have not read this particular post, please don't. Just know that the author wrote it in the name of being "authentic" and "real" with her audience. She did this by sharing the intimate and personal details of behaviors the two children she very very recently adopted from Africa were displaying. Behavioral details her children, had they been able to express themselves properly in English and had the right social skills to know it was wrong, would probably not want their new mom sharing with every stranger on the internet. I understand this mom's need to be heard. I understand her need to be validated, understood, and encouraged. I understand it. But I don't agree with how she went about getting it.
As parents, and adoptive parents especially, we are walking a tight-rope of trust. What is harder than us being overwhelmed, exhausted, and struggling to connect with the kids we just brought into our families? Our kids adjusting to an entire new culture, entire new language, entire new family, entire new set of expectations at every corner, new foods, smells, and sounds, an entire new trajectory for their entire lives. Literally EVERY SINGLE ASPECT of their lives have changed with a plane ride. Anything at all we do to damage the trust we build with them may have ramifications we may not know about for years to come. Why would we want to expose their hurts and wounds and damaged selves for the world to see? They are acting out of fear and hurt, we should be searching for that unique and precious "child with-in" not blogging about how angry and nostalgic for the pre-adoption days they make us.
I see this as an alarming trend in the adoption world. As parents blog before and after they bring their children home they write about their raw emotions way way way too authentically. We must remember as a community that our children could someday read this. The internet is permanent. We can be authentic and say that the post-adoption days are not all peaches and roses, that there is real pain and grief to work through, that there are peaks and valleys, that you better have a major support group around you, that some days you are so overwhelmed by the walls your child puts up you have no idea how you will ever knock them down. We can also be authentic and tell people there is no greater joy than seeing the newest member of your family give you a real hug, a huge smile, play with joy, be a kid - a pleasure they were robbed of in their home country, blend in seamlessly to your family, tell you they love you for the first time, snuggle with you, relax around you, try a new food and like it, make a friend for the first time. There are ways to be authentic and real without being painfully revealing on the internet.
Adoption community: please, instead of posting public blogs about your raw emotions, journal about them on paper, talk about them with close friends, family, and your small group. After all, that is what they are for. Create an adoption support group to talk to. Or perhaps if you just can't stop blogging, you may want to start a private blog for close friends and family. Once you are a few years removed from this transition period you can talk to people about the realities of what post-adoption looks like at a seminar or conference for families looking for information on adoption. But for the love of Pete, please don't publish such private details of your children's own histories on the internet for all to see.
If you have not read this particular post, please don't. Just know that the author wrote it in the name of being "authentic" and "real" with her audience. She did this by sharing the intimate and personal details of behaviors the two children she very very recently adopted from Africa were displaying. Behavioral details her children, had they been able to express themselves properly in English and had the right social skills to know it was wrong, would probably not want their new mom sharing with every stranger on the internet. I understand this mom's need to be heard. I understand her need to be validated, understood, and encouraged. I understand it. But I don't agree with how she went about getting it.
As parents, and adoptive parents especially, we are walking a tight-rope of trust. What is harder than us being overwhelmed, exhausted, and struggling to connect with the kids we just brought into our families? Our kids adjusting to an entire new culture, entire new language, entire new family, entire new set of expectations at every corner, new foods, smells, and sounds, an entire new trajectory for their entire lives. Literally EVERY SINGLE ASPECT of their lives have changed with a plane ride. Anything at all we do to damage the trust we build with them may have ramifications we may not know about for years to come. Why would we want to expose their hurts and wounds and damaged selves for the world to see? They are acting out of fear and hurt, we should be searching for that unique and precious "child with-in" not blogging about how angry and nostalgic for the pre-adoption days they make us.
I see this as an alarming trend in the adoption world. As parents blog before and after they bring their children home they write about their raw emotions way way way too authentically. We must remember as a community that our children could someday read this. The internet is permanent. We can be authentic and say that the post-adoption days are not all peaches and roses, that there is real pain and grief to work through, that there are peaks and valleys, that you better have a major support group around you, that some days you are so overwhelmed by the walls your child puts up you have no idea how you will ever knock them down. We can also be authentic and tell people there is no greater joy than seeing the newest member of your family give you a real hug, a huge smile, play with joy, be a kid - a pleasure they were robbed of in their home country, blend in seamlessly to your family, tell you they love you for the first time, snuggle with you, relax around you, try a new food and like it, make a friend for the first time. There are ways to be authentic and real without being painfully revealing on the internet.
Adoption community: please, instead of posting public blogs about your raw emotions, journal about them on paper, talk about them with close friends, family, and your small group. After all, that is what they are for. Create an adoption support group to talk to. Or perhaps if you just can't stop blogging, you may want to start a private blog for close friends and family. Once you are a few years removed from this transition period you can talk to people about the realities of what post-adoption looks like at a seminar or conference for families looking for information on adoption. But for the love of Pete, please don't publish such private details of your children's own histories on the internet for all to see.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)